Why Waiting for Friends Feels Like Rejection for Kids with Autism or ADHD
- April Woodard
- Sep 25
- 3 min read
The Text That Doesn’t Come Back
Your child sends a message to their friend: “Want to play later?” Ten minutes pass. No response. Their mood shifts—first anxious, then sad, then angry. “They don’t like me anymore!”
You try to reassure them, but the spiral has already started. What looks like overreaction is often something deeper: rejection sensitivity. For many kids with ADHD and autism, waiting for friends to respond feels less like patience and more like pain.
What It Might Feel Like for Your Child
Imagine standing in front of a crowd, sharing something personal, and instead of applause or even feedback, the room goes silent. Seconds feel like hours. Your mind races: Did I say something wrong? Do they hate me? Should I have stayed quiet?
That’s what waiting can feel like for your child. Their brain interprets silence not as neutral but as negative.
I’ve felt this too. A delayed text from a friend, or silence after a hard conversation, can send my mind into overdrive. For kids, that sensitivity is even sharper—and they don’t yet have the tools to regulate it.
How God Wired the Brain
This reaction ties directly to how the brain processes relationships:
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) → Kids with ADHD are more prone to feel rejection intensely, even where none exists.
Social processing differences → For autistic kids, uncertainty in relationships feels unsafe.
Fight-or-flight response → Silence or waiting triggers the same nervous system reaction as real danger.
The pain they feel isn’t exaggerated. It’s real—wired into their brain’s response to uncertainty.
Holistic Contributors You Might Not See
This struggle is magnified by factors like:
Anxiety → Amplifies fear of rejection.
Fatigue → Makes tolerance for uncertainty smaller.
Social experiences → Past exclusion makes waiting harder.
Diet and gut health → Can affect mood regulation and increase sensitivity.
It’s not just about friends texting back. It’s about how their whole system processes safety in relationships.
Grace-Based Strategies That Work
1. Teach Reality-Checking
Help them pause: “What are three possible reasons they haven’t responded that don’t mean rejection?” (busy, phone died, forgot).
2. Normalize Delays
Explain that most people don’t answer immediately—not because they don’t care, but because life is busy.
3. Encourage Diversions
When waiting feels unbearable, suggest another activity: “While you wait, let’s bake cookies or play outside.”
4. Model Secure Friendships
Show them through your own relationships how healthy waiting looks—friends who may not answer instantly but remain trustworthy.
5. Affirm Their Worth
Remind them: “Your value doesn’t change based on someone else’s response.”
Everyday Examples
At school → A classmate doesn’t wave back. Coach them: “Maybe they didn’t see you—it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.”
Playdates → If an invitation gets declined, reframe: “It doesn’t mean no forever—it means not today.”
Online games → Friends log off suddenly. Teach: “Sometimes people leave because dinner’s ready, not because they’re mad.”
What You Can Say (Instead of…)
Instead of: “Stop being so sensitive.”Try: “I know that felt big. Let’s talk it through.”
Instead of: “You’re overreacting.”Try: “Your feelings are real. Let’s see if there’s another explanation.”
Instead of: “Don’t worry about it.”Try: “I get why that felt hard. Want to do something while you wait?”
Scripture to Anchor You Both
When your child feels abandoned, remind them of God’s unshakable presence:
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” — Hebrews 13:5
Even when people disappoint, God’s love is steady.
Encouragement for the Journey
Rejection—real or imagined—cuts deep for beautifully wired kids. But every time you respond with compassion instead of dismissal, you’re teaching them that their feelings matter.
Over time, with your guidance, they’ll learn that waiting doesn’t always mean rejection. They’ll begin to separate silence from abandonment. And they’ll grow into adults who can ride out uncertainty with confidence, anchored by the truth that God’s love never wavers.
One day, the same child who spirals over unanswered texts may become the adult who builds loyal, empathetic relationships—because they know firsthand how painful rejection feels and how healing acceptance can be.
✨ If this hit home for you, there’s so much more waiting inside my book, Beautifully Wired: The Hidden Gifts of Raising a Child with ADHD and Autism. It’s filled with science explained simply, faith-based encouragement, and practical strategies to help you understand your child—and yourself—on this journey. Go check it out today and keep building your parenting toolbox.
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